Aside from my obvious obsession with the number “3,” I realized recently that there is a reason 3 is perfect in a going-out (aka “creeping”) setting.
M-V-P: Mike, Vinny, Pauly
First, let me refresh your memory about “creeping.” ”Creeping” is a term that came to popular use through the reality TV show, Jersey Shore,” where M-V-P (Mike the “Situation,” Vinny and Pauly D) go out, meet girls and bring them home with them. The whole process is considered creeping because though the girls out there may know where they will be or what they will be doing, they have no idea that guys like M-V-P will be slowly creeping their way into a “good situation,” if you get what I’m saying.
Of course, “creeping” isn’t exclusive to only men. Girls can creep too. Remember, last Halloween? How I talked about the Creepers of Halloween?
Well, I’ve begun to see a trend in the pack number of “creepers” I find at bars, lounges and clubs. Previously, it had always been a two-person tag team. You wing for me and I wing for you. However, in recent days it seemed going in a 3-person pack garnered the best results.
Let me explain.
As with M-V-P in the “Jersey Shore,” you need your wing(wo)man when you go out. You need someone to hype you up while you pretend to be modest and not self-centered. You also need someone to help you break the ice a bit and “diffuse the grenade” as The Situation would like to call it.
However, if you go with just one wing, once you obtain your target, what’s going to happen with the wing(wo)man? And, even if you’re the one winging it for your friend, you still want to get some action at the end of the night. (Don’t lie. You do.)
Therefore, you need to go with 2 other friends, so when one of the three lands a man/woman, you still have another wing(wo)man to rely on… or just a friend to chat with till your prospect arrives. (More than three will become difficult as people tend to shy away from huge packs.)
Take these examples from a month ago:
Friday night. I went to a birthday party with just another friend. We arrived, settled in and almost immediately honed in on our respective targets. First I winged for my friend and then my friend winged for me. At the end of the night, I realized that my target had no brains, no creativity, no banter—just good looks. Hence, I got bored and turned my full attention to helping my friend “seal the deal.” Unfortunately for me, once I accomplished my job and got the two of them matched up, I had nothing to do. Yeah, I could have talked to a few more potentials, but the bar really didn’t give me much choice. I spent the rest of the time, watching the Knicks vs. Hawks game on TV. (Not my idea of a fun night out…)
Saturday night. I went to Hotel Gansevoort on Park Ave with two other friends. It worked out perfectly because while one of us flirted with the opposite sex, the other two kept each other company and scoured the area for potentials. Basically, we always had a wing with us and never had to succumb to boredom or creepy encounters. (Wait, I take that back. We did get the double-dose of creepiness when one creep tried winging for another creep.) Nevertheless, the night ended with everyone being a winner***!
So, like I said at the beginning of this post, 3 is the perfect number to creep. The weekend is here, so go out, bring your two friends, and have fun!
***Disclaimer: this post is not meant to be dirty—GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE GUTTER, PEOPLE!
Wow, it’s taking me 3+ weeks to update my blog. As you probably guessed, work has been insane. I really thought that when I left Banking, I would avoid doing long hours, but that’s sadly not the case. Oh well, at this point, I must accept the fact and hope for the best.
What has kept me sane these past couple of weeks? Believe it or not, TV commercials. The perfect de-stressor. Better than plotting in a movie. Better than listening to some heavy head-thrashing rock song. And even better than complaining over and over again to my friends.
So, here are my top 5 favorite de-stressing commercials:
#5: Budwesier Frogs [First appearance: 1995]
Don’t tell me the first time you heard Budweiser’s frog commercials, you didn’t snicker and repeat it shortly after seeing it. Buddddddd… Weiiiiiiiiii……..Serrrrrrrrr.
#4: Budweiser Wassup [1999]
Who could forget the instantaneously contagious Wasssssup Budweiser commercial that transformed a simple “Hello” to a long-stretched, endless, and possibly quite annoying sound?
#3: Axe Effect’s Bom Chicka Wah Wah [2007?]
OH YEAH! bommmm chicka wahwahhhhhhhhh.
#2: Dos Equis’s The Most Interesting Man In the World [2007]:
Although I am easily amused by the simple croaks of Budweiser frogs or exaggerated hellos of Budweiser dudes or sex sells attitude in Axe effect, I am more captivated by the smart and funny Chuck Norris-like jokes in commercials. For example, Dos Equis’ “Most Interesting Man in the World” commercials provides me with a great source of simple repeatable quotes like “He speaks French… in Russian”.
However, my #1 favorite commercial (as of now) is…
#1: Old Spice’s The Man Your Man Could Smell Like [2010]:
So, there you go. My top 5 videos to commercial-ax!
I know you’ve been waiting for me to recount the stories from Vegas… First, let me just say, I did NOT come back married. Nor did my mattress end up on the roof of a hotel. And no, I didn’t win the jackpot either. Nonetheless, I did have a blast!
So, two Fridays ago, I took my first trip to Vegas since I was 14. I know. It’s surprising that an adult like myself have never experienced the debauchery that is Vegas. The only thing I remember of Vegas was Circus Circus. Yeah… I could smell the kettlecorn- and candy-laden floor with the trapeze artists diving and swinging above me as I threw twenties at the game attendant. I probably wasted over $100 on trying to win toys.
However, this trip, I scrapped everything I remembered of my Circus Circus days and only looked forward to escapades like the ones I’ve seen in The Hangover and What Happens in Vegas. Boy, was I excited!
Palms Casino Las Vegas
As soon as I arrived in Vegas (11:30pm Friday night), I sprang to my hotel room, changed and got ready to party. By the time, I arrived on the scene at the Palms, it was close to 1:30am. But who goes clubbing before that?!?!? It’s Vegas! The nightclub, Moon, was not bad. There were at least 3 women in their forties up on poles along with barely clad vixens strutting their own stuff. Of course, you can’t just stay at Moon the whole time, or, at least I couldn’t. I had to go see those Playboy bunnies down in the lounge.
Outside the Palms Casino Playboy Lounge
This is what we saw at the entrance to the Playboy lounge… Seriously, No nudity?! Playboy? NO NUDITY? When we stepped in, we were disappointed. Not only were the girls fully clothed, but it was pretty dead. I expected a lot more.
So, all of us danced and drank until 4am before some of us decided to embark on a new adventure…
Circus Circus Acrobats: PG here, but definitely not PG where I went...
I arrived at the second “club” around 4:3oam. The scene reminded me… a little like Circus Circus, actually. Slender torsos. Twisted bodies. Me throwing bills… except this time, I wasn’t throwing money at the game attendant, I was throwing dollar bills at—well, let’s just call them “dancers”. I have to admit, the power in these girls’ legs and thighs… to be hanging upside down on… long, slender metal bars without arm support was an amazing sight… not to mention turning and kicking in 5-in heels. It was an experience I will never forget…
About half an hour after arriving at this place, we decided to head home and rest for a big day ahead.
Saturday morning, we awoke around 10am starving, slightly hungover and exhausted. We struggled out of bed and straight to the Bellagio for the buffet. I’m not a big buffet person because I never feel like I get my money’s worth, but after waiting in line for over 1.5 hours, I was ready to punch someone out!
Ridiculously Long Line Outside Bellagio Buffet
Bellagio Hotel Buffet
I have never eaten and drank so much in such a short time span. Within 15 minutes I had over 4 full plates of food… and there was no stopping me! By the time we finished eating, it was close to 3pm.
Full, sleepy and tipsy, we rolled out of the Bellagio and embarked on a journey to find the half price booth (similar to the TKTS Booth in Manhattan) to obtain Cirque du Soleil tickets for less than $80. On our way, we saw tons of people holding long necked beaker-like containers full of frozen margaritas. I knew I had to try one (if not just for the experience). Hell, it’s VEGAS! So… we all got one. $18 a pop watered down margaritas. Whatever. The bottle was awesome.
New York New York Coaster
Size Does Matter!
The day continued onwards as we sought after the tickets. Next stop on the agenda: roller-coaster ride at New York New York casino. $15 to ride once. Yes, I know. That just sounds ridiculous. However, you gotta experience it at least once. The ride was more fun than I expected. First dip, awesome! Last 3-4 mini dips, super fun!
Finally, after much anticipation, we got tickets to KA for $77 . We obviously got crappy seats, but even third row from the back, we saw everything. My favorite part was the fight scene with a 90 degree vertical wall full of darts and swinging fighters left and right.
The show started at 7pm and ended at 8:30pm. By then, we had become zombies. No rest, no food, no moment to pause, we desperately needed a rest. A bunch of us resorted to Mexican food at a place called “Diego”. The restaurant appeared quite empty, yet we didn’t get our food until an hour later. That’s Vegas service for ya… But my beef braised rib was amazing! The tender meat dissolved almost instantaneously in my mouth. The succulent juices enveloped my tongue and pleasured my taste buds. I was happy.
Diego's Braised Rib
But that happiness only lasted a moment. My friends jolted me back to reality with the declaration that hours had passed and it was time for clubbing at The Bank at the Bellagio.
Long waits. Snobbish bouncers. Gross disproportionate gender ratios. Lots of $$$ down the drain (or our throats). Like any club in NYC. No surprise there.
By 3am, we couldn’t handle it anymore. Yes, people. We are getting old. So, we dispersed and returned to our soft beds, only to wake up a few hours later for the airport.
The whole trip, I did not gamble once. Thus, during my standby wait, I lost $7 to the Las Vegas Airport slots. Let’s just say, slots SUCK! It’s just a guzzling cash machine.
The overall weekend trip changed my view of Vegas. No more visions of Circus Circus… at least not that kind. I can’t wait to go back again!
I’m glancing through WSJ and this is what I see: a pair of figure skaters in a sexually intense embrace with the caption at the bottom “That’s Your Sister?”…
Wait, what?!?!?!? I am flabberghasted! The WSJ article, “That’s Your Sister?” points out several ice-dancing partners who share a family bond: Sinead and John Kerr, Cathy and Chris Reed, Christina and William Beier, etc. Apparently, such pairings are pretty frequent in ice-skating… “All ice-dancing relationships are strange, say athletes, because they involve spending countless intense hours with the same person, while trying to maintain a professional partnership. Sharing a family bond can smooth over disagreements about music, practice or career path.”
Okay… fine. But, I’m not going to lie… It is crazy awkward to be staring into the smouldering eyes of your sibling when doing a sexy tango. I mean, no matter how hard you try to think of something else or look somewhere else during the sizzling dance routine, you have to be an AMAZING actor to emote such sexual tension… Just LOOK AT THAT PICTURE!
3 Is The Perfect Number (To “Creep”)
25 FebAside from my obvious obsession with the number “3,” I realized recently that there is a reason 3 is perfect in a going-out (aka “creeping”) setting.
M-V-P: Mike, Vinny, Pauly
First, let me refresh your memory about “creeping.” ”Creeping” is a term that came to popular use through the reality TV show, Jersey Shore,” where M-V-P (Mike the “Situation,” Vinny and Pauly D) go out, meet girls and bring them home with them. The whole process is considered creeping because though the girls out there may know where they will be or what they will be doing, they have no idea that guys like M-V-P will be slowly creeping their way into a “good situation,” if you get what I’m saying.
Of course, “creeping” isn’t exclusive to only men. Girls can creep too. Remember, last Halloween? How I talked about the Creepers of Halloween?
Well, I’ve begun to see a trend in the pack number of “creepers” I find at bars, lounges and clubs. Previously, it had always been a two-person tag team. You wing for me and I wing for you. However, in recent days it seemed going in a 3-person pack garnered the best results.
Let me explain.
As with M-V-P in the “Jersey Shore,” you need your wing(wo)man when you go out. You need someone to hype you up while you pretend to be modest and not self-centered. You also need someone to help you break the ice a bit and “diffuse the grenade” as The Situation would like to call it.
However, if you go with just one wing, once you obtain your target, what’s going to happen with the wing(wo)man? And, even if you’re the one winging it for your friend, you still want to get some action at the end of the night. (Don’t lie. You do.)
Therefore, you need to go with 2 other friends, so when one of the three lands a man/woman, you still have another wing(wo)man to rely on… or just a friend to chat with till your prospect arrives. (More than three will become difficult as people tend to shy away from huge packs.)
Take these examples from a month ago:
Friday night. I went to a birthday party with just another friend. We arrived, settled in and almost immediately honed in on our respective targets. First I winged for my friend and then my friend winged for me. At the end of the night, I realized that my target had no brains, no creativity, no banter—just good looks. Hence, I got bored and turned my full attention to helping my friend “seal the deal.” Unfortunately for me, once I accomplished my job and got the two of them matched up, I had nothing to do. Yeah, I could have talked to a few more potentials, but the bar really didn’t give me much choice. I spent the rest of the time, watching the Knicks vs. Hawks game on TV. (Not my idea of a fun night out…)
Saturday night. I went to Hotel Gansevoort on Park Ave with two other friends. It worked out perfectly because while one of us flirted with the opposite sex, the other two kept each other company and scoured the area for potentials. Basically, we always had a wing with us and never had to succumb to boredom or creepy encounters. (Wait, I take that back. We did get the double-dose of creepiness when one creep tried winging for another creep.) Nevertheless, the night ended with everyone being a winner***!
So, like I said at the beginning of this post, 3 is the perfect number to creep. The weekend is here, so go out, bring your two friends, and have fun!
***Disclaimer: this post is not meant to be dirty—GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE GUTTER, PEOPLE!
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