This past weekend was ridiculous. The zombies, the ghouls, the vampires, the sloots, and the creepers all came out of hiding and crashed every inch of Manhattan—from Lower East Side to Uptown East to Midtown West.
Just my luck, I had the pleasure of seeing and experiencing first-hand what it meant to be out in NYC on such an important holiday…
I happened to go to a party in Midtown West. Not to my surprise, most of my girl friends dressed like sloots—slooty nurse, slooty bumble-bee, slooty police officer, slooty maid, etc. Meanwhile, my guy friends dressed anywhere between nerds and hookers—female hookers, that is. (Yes, cross-dressing is very much “in” these days.)
Anyways, as the night progressed, my memory became more and more shoddy. I remembered some very manly and hairy Victoria Secret angels mixed with Playboy bunnies and Hugh Hefners. Yet, all none of those things surprised me at all.
What surprised me were the “creepers.” Who are they, you ask? They’re people who have no shame whatsoever when it comes to creeping on the opposite (and sometimes same) sex. If you’re imagining a forty-something-year-old man hanging with a bunch of twenty-something dudes and hitting on a slew of young girls… well, then you’re thinking of only the classic creeper.
This past Saturday, I witnessed the rise of a new class of creepers: the female creepers… the young twenty-something ladies purposely hitting on older gents for alky. Hey, there’s no shame. I mean, dudes are using drinks to get girls… then why can’t girls use dudes to get drinks… right?
These young, vibrant and often beautiful young girls had no shame whatsoever flirting their way to a nice shot or cocktail. Unlike their male counterparts, they used their charm and friendliness to get inside enemy lines. They seemed quite genuine and nice at first. Not creepy or sketch at all. Next, they made the males think that they were the ones that wanted to buy her and her friends shots. Then, before he knew it, the poor guy was several shots down and she had gone, leaving him nothing but a wink and a wave goodbye…
And hell, who are we to judge these young female creepers?
Culture and society has allowed for old creepy men to creep on girls at parties for years… now, the new set of young female creepers are taking reign…
Beware, gents of NYC (and the rest of the world)! Next time a young vixen approaches you at a bar, think twice before offering her a drink… She might be a sweet and innocent girl… OR… She might just be a creeper…
3 Is The Perfect Number (To “Creep”)
25 FebAside from my obvious obsession with the number “3,” I realized recently that there is a reason 3 is perfect in a going-out (aka “creeping”) setting.
M-V-P: Mike, Vinny, Pauly
First, let me refresh your memory about “creeping.” ”Creeping” is a term that came to popular use through the reality TV show, Jersey Shore,” where M-V-P (Mike the “Situation,” Vinny and Pauly D) go out, meet girls and bring them home with them. The whole process is considered creeping because though the girls out there may know where they will be or what they will be doing, they have no idea that guys like M-V-P will be slowly creeping their way into a “good situation,” if you get what I’m saying.
Of course, “creeping” isn’t exclusive to only men. Girls can creep too. Remember, last Halloween? How I talked about the Creepers of Halloween?
Well, I’ve begun to see a trend in the pack number of “creepers” I find at bars, lounges and clubs. Previously, it had always been a two-person tag team. You wing for me and I wing for you. However, in recent days it seemed going in a 3-person pack garnered the best results.
Let me explain.
As with M-V-P in the “Jersey Shore,” you need your wing(wo)man when you go out. You need someone to hype you up while you pretend to be modest and not self-centered. You also need someone to help you break the ice a bit and “diffuse the grenade” as The Situation would like to call it.
However, if you go with just one wing, once you obtain your target, what’s going to happen with the wing(wo)man? And, even if you’re the one winging it for your friend, you still want to get some action at the end of the night. (Don’t lie. You do.)
Therefore, you need to go with 2 other friends, so when one of the three lands a man/woman, you still have another wing(wo)man to rely on… or just a friend to chat with till your prospect arrives. (More than three will become difficult as people tend to shy away from huge packs.)
Take these examples from a month ago:
Friday night. I went to a birthday party with just another friend. We arrived, settled in and almost immediately honed in on our respective targets. First I winged for my friend and then my friend winged for me. At the end of the night, I realized that my target had no brains, no creativity, no banter—just good looks. Hence, I got bored and turned my full attention to helping my friend “seal the deal.” Unfortunately for me, once I accomplished my job and got the two of them matched up, I had nothing to do. Yeah, I could have talked to a few more potentials, but the bar really didn’t give me much choice. I spent the rest of the time, watching the Knicks vs. Hawks game on TV. (Not my idea of a fun night out…)
Saturday night. I went to Hotel Gansevoort on Park Ave with two other friends. It worked out perfectly because while one of us flirted with the opposite sex, the other two kept each other company and scoured the area for potentials. Basically, we always had a wing with us and never had to succumb to boredom or creepy encounters. (Wait, I take that back. We did get the double-dose of creepiness when one creep tried winging for another creep.) Nevertheless, the night ended with everyone being a winner***!
So, like I said at the beginning of this post, 3 is the perfect number to creep. The weekend is here, so go out, bring your two friends, and have fun!
***Disclaimer: this post is not meant to be dirty—GET YOUR HEADS OUT OF THE GUTTER, PEOPLE!
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