I Went In Thinking “50/50″ I’d Be Depressed; I Came Out 100% EXCITED!

(Source: Amazon)

I wanted to watch “50/50” (2011) because I like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, mostly because he looked so hot as Arthur in “Inception” (2010). I also wanted to watch this film because I wanted to do some minor research on a potential article I will write in the near future (more on that later).

Joseph Gordon-Levitt as "Arthur" in "Inception" (Source: The Guardian)

Anyways, I watched it with a good friend after work today.

I walked into the theater with bunches of tissues and a mini-bag of touch-up, just in case, you know. RottenTomatoes.com had rated it 93% and I had heard from some friends that they (macho men) teared during some of the scenes. Hence, with tissues and make-up in hand, I prepared myself for the depressing movie in front of me.

What happened surprised the HELL out of me… but let me back track.

The movie, in short (because you can read the long synopsis on RT or IMDB), is that this 27-year-old dude named Adam is diagnosed with some crazily long-syllabled spinal cancer and his chances of living is 50/50 (duh!). He goes through the motions of dealing with the shock, living his life as normally as possible and preparing for what could be his last breath.

The story unfolds to show a typical 27-year-old boy’s life: a mediocre job, a selfish girlfriend, a hilarious best friend who wants to get laid all the time, an over-protective mom and a “hands-off” dad.

Yet, what really moved me was the sentiment behind all the humor. Every time the audience (or, in this case, me) was about to tear, a character, usually Seth Rogen, would crack a joke. Don’t get me wrong, it was done beautifully. The jokes didn’t downplay the tragedy of the situation; instead, it reminded the audience the other side of 50/50.

Yes, Adam has 50% chance of dying from cancer…. but that also means he has 50% chance to live… to really live his life… and that’s what the audience, especially me, came out of the movie with.

The movie isn’t about the difficult experience of having cancer, or of being shocked to reality, or using humor in the face of tragedy. The movie was about LIFE… about the ephemeralness of life, the preciousness of life, and the delicateness of life…

I came out of that movie more empowered and inspired than ever. Yes, I am a bit of a hypochondriac and will probably WebMD any symptoms I feel tonight, but in all seriousness, I came out of that EXCITED about life.

If it’s not because it’s 1:51AM over here, I would be running around the street, expressing my excitement for the things I will not settle for… for the future moments I will cherish… for the friends and family I will shower with love… and for the things I will do that truly make me happy.

So, my avid readers: STOP worrying about work, STOP obsessing over that guy who didn’t text you back, STOP wondering when the right girl will come into your life, STOP hoping to be recognized, STOP ALL THAT and DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

You have only 1 life to live…

So why wouldn’t you live it to the fullest?

I “Scre4m”ed Out of Hilarity, Not Fear

I watched Scream 4 (RT 58%) last night. Paid full price. Thoroughly enjoyed it… but for the wrong reasons, I think.

I remember watching the first Scream in 1996 with my mom. I screamed like a little kid at the candy store. The thrill of not knowing what to expect kept me at the edge of my seat. To this day, my mom still remembers my reactions to that movie.

Thus, when I heard that Scream 4 was going to be similar to the original Scream (RT 82%) and unlike any of the horrible sequels, I couldn’t wait to see the movie.

As the lights dimmed and everyone hushed in the theater, I felt my hairs stand on end out of sheer anticipation.

The opening scene: two girls (typical) yap about scary movies.  Then, suddenly, they receive a phone call (a nod to the original Scream!!!). “Who’s this?” The creepy raspy voice on the other end asks. “Who’s this?!” The girl retorted. After some back and forth “you’re crazy and annoying” banter, the girl hangs up, only to get dared by the “killer” to open the front door. And, true to form, the girls open the door.

We, in the audience, sank into our seats as we awaited the ensuing bloodbath.

“Yesssssss!” I heard myself whisper into the theater silence.  Finally, the return of a true slasher cult classic!

Sadly, the intensity dissipated within the first several scenes and the movie quickly turned into nothing more than a comedy. Yes. You read it correctly: COMEDY!

For the next 100 minutes, I desperately  hoped that I would feel the same jittery, hair-raising, shrill-seeking, totally crazy heart-pumping slasher film-inducing feelings as when I had first watched it back in ’96… but none of it happened.

Instead, I laughed… a lot… 

I guess, in a way, Scream 4 was a “tribute” to the original, which had become the face (literally) of post-Psycho slasher films. Unfortunately, it was nothing more than bad acting and awkwardly stage scenes meant to frighten (operative word here is “meant”).

In reality, I just couldn’t stop laughing. I mean, 90% of Sheriff Dewey’s (David Arquette) facial expressions resembled that of “Doofy” from Scary Movie. After a while, I didn’t know who was spoofing whom.  Was David Arquette channelling Doofy?

THEN, seeing Courtney Cox act b*tchy at her ripe old age just made me feel annoyed. Don’t get me wrong, I love “Monica,” but I just didn’t like seeing her prance around like she was back in her twenties…

And come on Neve Campbell!!! Same “why is this happening to me again?” face just doesn’t fly the fourth time around.

Wes Craven, please listen to “Jill” and find a new franchise to film!  This one needs to be put to rest already.

However, despite my complaints, this was worth seeing if you love bad movies like I do.

Highlights:

• Sheriff Doofy—I mean Dewey—’s facial expressions
  
• Really bad stunt effects
• Sidney barely touching the killer and he flies back and bounces off a wall…
• Spewing blood when the blade barely penetrated the skin…
• A person talking and walking after getting stabbed in the forehead.  YES, STABBED IN THE FOREHEAD!!!
• A person still alive after getting zapped in the head with A LOT of electricity!!!
• Sidney Prescott saying something like this: “The thing you forgot about sequels is they’re never better than the original!”
• Stab 6 in Stab 7 in Scream 4

So what’s your favorite scary movie?!

Failed Food Experiment: A History (And A Brownie-Cookie…)

Previously…

I introduced a category called “Failed Food Experiments” to document my failings and hilarious stories in the cooking department.

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The story began a while back…  when I was just sixteen…

I sat in my house in the Bay Area waiting for my parents’ return.  I had devised all day how to get them out of the house, then cook them a meal, and make them a special dessert.  It was their anniversary, after all, and a very special moment.

Thus, the first thing I did was create a lie.  I told them, like a brat, that I desperately craved some delicious munchies.  I knew full well that it would take them at least an hour to find these treats.  Just enough time for me to complete my mission.  It took a lot of begging and stomping my feet before they finally agreed.

As soon as they left, I started my preparations.  My most important feat was to get my special dessert into the oven so they could bake while my parents ate.  I mixed the batter, put them into a pan and set the temperature in the oven.  Dessert was ready-to-go.

Next, I prepared dinner.  I set the plates out in the dining hall table.  I put two crystal wine glasses next to the pretty plates and sterling silverware.  Then I set a bottle of red next to the dishes.  After that, I called Olive Garden.  (What?!?!  You thought I was going to cook dinner?  No way.  Dessert was my only attempt that day.  Thank goodness!)  OG confirmed my orders and delivered the pasta dishes 30 minutes later.

Meanwhile, I left rose petals out on the front yard through the front door and leading to the dining hall.  I turned on romantic music in the background, dimmed the lights and lit the candles.

I called my parents to see when they’d get home.  ”15 minutes” was their answer.

I couldn’t wait.  I had everything set.

Yes, it was my first attempt at doing anything cooking-related, but I couldn’t wait to show off my skills.  My mom had always loved chocolate stuff and my dad loved any bread-type stuff, so I thought baking them brownies would be the best.  So, I looked online for a brownie recipe.  Seemed easy enough.  Mix batter, put into pan, put into oven, wait and eat.  Couldn’t be hard.

When they returned home, they couldn’t believe their eyes.  The candlelit dinner seemed spectacular.  Of course, they did ask me where I got the money to buy all the food and I responded: “Dad’s credit card?”  (Oops.)

Regardless, they appreciated the gesture.  As they wrapped up dinner, I couldn’t help but get excited for the best part of the night: my special gift to them.

I announced, quite proudly, that I had brownies waiting for them.  They smiled and nodded to each other, as if suspecting something devious from me.  Nothing devious, I assured them.  Just delicious!

I ran to the kitchen, opened the oven, and looked in.  The brownies smelled magnificent!  I couldn’t wait to cut into them.  I put the pan on the kitchen counter and put my knife through one end.

Suddenly, I heard a crunch as the knife sliced into the brownie.  What the?! That didn’t sound right, even to a beginner cook like me.  I cut into it once more.  Again, the sound was crunnnnnch.  I stared wide-eyed at my creation.

Oh crap! I realized that the brownies had turned into really really really REALLY hard and crunchy cookies.

“Noooooooooooo!”  I moaned.

My mom heard me and started to walk towards me.  I waved her back.

“No, mom.  I got this.  Hold on… I can fix this!”

I thought back into my memory bank how this could have happened. I followed the instructions to the T! Well…  almost to the T…

While mixing the batter, I realized that my mom loved the taste of Bailey’s… so I decided to add a few drops—nay, a few shots— into the mixture.  I just wanted the taste.  Plus, I knew that when my mom added cooking wine to her dishes, the alcohol evaporated, so it wasn’t like I was going to get my parents drunk off of brownies.

What I didn’t realize then was the alcohol dried up my brownies.

So, as I frantically looked for a solution to the crunchiness of my brownies, I did the only logical thing possible.  (Think about it.  What do you do when you’re parched?  You drink water!)

Thus, my friends, I decided to add water to the brownie-cookies.  Of course, I first made several large incisions, then I added water to the crevices.

When I finished, my creation had turned into a Frankenstein.  I was still proud either way.  I mean, I did make something at the end, even if it’s ugly?

Well, at the end of the night, my parents really appreciated my efforts.  I know this because they told me repeatedly.   Yes, they did tell me this while I tried thrusting newly watered down brownie-cookies into their mouths.  I swear, they just kept waving their hands and saying “no no, we really appreciate your gesture…”

Needless to say, after that fiasco, I refused to ever cook again.  I sucked.  Even when I followed directions, I sucked.

But then, a few weeks ago, I had a lot more time to reflect and pick up new endeavors, so I have decided to try cooking again.

Let’s just say I’m still learning…

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Next time…

“Learning Mom’s Measurements”

New Category: Failed Food Experiments

All of my friends and family know that I don’t cook.

20% of the time, it’s because I am lazy. However, the other 80% is because—well—I just SUCK at cooking.

I have made attempts. Many, actually. And I have failed almost all of them.  As a kid, I baked brownies that turned to cookies.  As an adult, I’ve created exploding eggs, oil-filled hash browns and recreations of sauces I really shouldn’t have done.

A few days ago, as I sat with a friend over lunch, I told him about my recent failed cooking attempts.  He cracked up so hard a piece of lamb kabob launched from his mouth across the restaurant.  I didn’t realize my stories were that funny.  But, I guess I was wrong.  He suggested that I blog about my experiments as it is the season to share some joy and hilarity.

Thus, I decided to create a new category called “Failed Food Experiments” to document my failings.  Sure, there are tons of amazing websites like the storytelling recipe-giving My Social Chef or the consortium of food blogs at Food Press or the general Food Network.  But, none of them talk about their failed attempts.  I thought, I’d spread some holiday cheer by telling my stories.

Perhaps, it will deter people from making the same mistakes as me or it could just give them a laugh or two. Either way, I am not here to give out recipes of delicious meals, but only to explain my failed food experiments.

So… Enjoy and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

I Heart New York Times’ A.O. Scott

I heart A.O. Scott.

Don’t know who he is?  Well, you should.  Because this guy is FREAKING AWESOME!  He’s a movie critic for the New York Times, but what I love about him is his clear descriptions of the movies, his funny taglines and his poignant reviews.

Just today, he published “The Cinematic State of Things,” where he reduced the 2010 film themes into a top 10 list, beginning with “1. We are all figments of Leonardo DiCaprio’s imagination.”  Come on.  If that’s #1, you can’t go wrong after that.  After reading his top 10, I couldn’t help but remember all his past quips.  Thus, I had to declare my love for A.O. Scott in this post.

The first time I read one of his articles, I had been browsing through the Movie Section of the paper for quite some time.  I had glanced over a few of those reviews on Milk, Frost/Nixon, and other Academy Award contenders.  Interesting, but I didn’t feel like using my brain.  I wanted something frivolous to read while getting through my day as a Banker.  (Remember, the end of 2008 was the end of an era… for financial markets as well as Investment Banking.  In other words, I had PLENTY of time to spare during the day.)  Anyways, link after link, I found nothing interesting.  Then, out of the blue, I came upon this: “An I.R.S. Do-Gooder and Other Strangeness.”  I looked closer and realized it was a review for Seven Pounds (2008), the Will Smith movie that made no sense in the trailer.

Within minutes, I was cracking up and falling over my chair.  My cubemates rushed over to me to make sure I didn’t go crazy (because our company could disappear like Lehman Brothers at any moment).  I put up a hand to hush their concerns and pointed to my computer screen.  They looked at one another and nodded in agreement: “Yup, this one’s gone over the deep end…”

I shook my head and highlighted the passage that threw me off my rocker.  It read:

So instead of spelling out what happens in “Seven Pounds,” I’ll just pluck a few key words and phrases from my notes, and arrange them in the kind of artful disorder Mr. Muccino seems to favor (feel free to start crying any time): Eggplant parmesan. Printing press. Lung. Bone marrow. Eye transplant. Rosario Dawson. Great Dane. Banana peel. Jellyfish (but you knew that already). Car accident. Congestive heart failure.

Huh? What the … ? Hang on. What’s he doing? Why? Who does he think he is? Jesus! That last, by the way, is not an exclamation of shock but rather an answer to the preceding question, posed with reference to Mr. Smith.

My friends burst out with laughter, only to attract the nearby Associates.  Soon enough, a crowd had gathered around my tiny cube, reading the next hilarious passage:

But maybe I’m approaching this in the wrong way. Maybe “Seven Pounds” isn’t a spiritual parable about redemption or forgiveness or salvation or whatever, but rather a collection of practical lessons. Don’t drive while using a BlackBerry. Fertilize your rose bushes with banana peels — sorry, that was a spoiler. But please, whatever you do, don’t touch the jellyfish.

I’m serious. Don’t.

From then on, I couldn’t stop following Mr. A.O. Scott’s reviews on NYT.  All of his reviews had this hilarious wit.  You know… almost like talking to a friend who’s just hilarious.  Or, maybe I love him, because he reminds of another brilliant mind (myself, ha ha.  No joke.).  Either way, I couldn’t stop following him.

Here are some of my favorite quotes from this year:

• The Town (2010) — ”[T]he main attraction is the blaring music of those accents. It’s a lark, a spark, a walk in the park.”
• Tangled (2010) — “This is, all in all, a pleasant place to visit. Which is saying a lot, given how awful it could be in recent years. (Remember “Chicken Little”? “Treasure Planet”? I hope not.) “Tangled” is the 50th animated feature from Disney, and its look and spirit convey a modified, updated but nonetheless sincere and unmistakable quality of old-fashioned Disneyness.”
• “In Line at the Movies, Hoping for Good Enough” article — ”What was I doing there? Partly, it was a matter of professional due diligence, the regular duty of catching up with movies I have not reviewed. But also, and more deeply, there was the combination of curiosity, inertia and obedience that is the most common and perhaps the least understood motive for movie attendance. I was bored. The kids were bored.”
• RED (2010) — ““RED” signals that, in addition to being an action-romance-comedy, it will also be an old-timers-on-the-warpath-looking-for-payback movie. (See “The A Team” and “The Expendables.” By “see,” I mean “note for purposes of comparison,” rather than actually watch on a screen.)”

I mean, this list can go on and on and on.  However, I’ll make up your own mind about Mr. Scott.

Happy Reading!